The Dilemma Of Managing A House
Part of the series:
The perils (and lessons) from living in a competitive home environment
My coming out
One for mid-life crisised
The confessions of an introvert
I've faced a strange dilemma of late - one that has sort of self-blown up in my face.
The Dilemma Side 1:
I've quit work to continue studying and, in the process, decided to come back home (I was staying in another city when I decided to do so).
The Dilemma Side 2:
My home for the past 4 years or so of my life has been quite intriguing. Here's why. One of the biggest things that made life for me during those years (especially since I was much of a home body) was this incessant drive of people at home to "manage the house". Over the years, when I could afford the energy, I did spend time on trying to decipher what that meant. More than four years hence, I'm even more clueless than when I started.
So there. I didn't ever remember emphasis on the word or the idea the word represents when home was being taken care of before those four years. When I considered it, there was some managing that needed to be done. I mean, things don't happen by themselves. We do things with our hands and feet and we do them pretty consciously, but that was never a word we used so heavily like it's a gold-plated agenda. It just happened. We usually also needed to do the things we did. You don't manage drinking water when you're thirsty and if you want to drink water when you're thirsty and there is none, you go ahead and boil some. You don't need extraordinary skills or wisdom. All you need is pretty much common sense and you're there. If you consider your house awareness evolution, you cross these barriers almost every now and then. It's not exactly rocket science from where I was coming from - but then apparently it was.
At home now it's a sacred rule book that if we deviate, we are all doomed - and it deserves our rapt attention every second. It's sacrilegious to even stop repeating the words of that rule book or violate any of its precepts.
None the less, it still seems a mystery to me. The folk at home tell me it's way more than rocket science and their paranoia seems to justify that, but I'm done deciphering the code. It's brain-damaging. I've tried a Complexity Theory approach i.e a system is more than just a sum of its parts. Making the list of objective things to manage is apparently just plainly ignorant of that mystical connection between the parts. Woe be unto me. Even making that objective list is sacrilege.
I've tried the Self-Organising Theory i.e all men and women are have the natural capability to organise themselves according to their needs and requirements. In a household, they naturally cooperate with each other to achieve that effort, and any system or set of rules comes about as a result of that. When control is hijacked in the name of managing, you defeat the very possibility of mutual cooperation. You don't give the people in the household space to mutually respond to each other, to start with. By the theory of managing the house that they go by, you have to at least have to be able to do that and that should cover everything you'd need. Managing doesn't even fit into the picture there. By this definition, it's a level of self-organisational advancement that beats all research so far.
But that has a road block. Does this state of self-organisational advancement also include excessive amounts of fuss and panic? Panic and fuss is not a quality of self-organisation. It's a quality of inability and incapability. It's like a king who has a royal, authoritative throne but wields a powerless sceptre. He can only scream and send his armies out. The obsession for control as a result of a lack of ability and capability is really a scramble for it. Why the heck? It beats the heck out of me.
What's satisfying about power or control at home is something I simply don't understand. I'm not even going to try to see what theories will help explain it. It seems to be fear of the sacred rule book. That fear seems to be based on the assumption that if we don't follow the rule book, the sky will fall on our heads and all hell will break loose - only because we didn't follow the rule book. The interesting question to ask now is where the rule book comes from? Wait, we wrote it! Here's another truth: the sky will never fall on our heads and all hell will never break loose, least of all because of the things we do or don't do. So everybody should just simply relax. We will do what we must, like how all of the human race developed up to now, and of course, make it a point not to drive ourselves to desperation in the process.
So I'm putting this question out there. What is it about managing a house is worth all the fuss and panic? Does anybody else also have the same or a similar situation at home? Would any Sociology or Psychology Doctorate hopeful like to investigate this phenomena? Do share your research when you do please!
The perils (and lessons) from living in a competitive home environment
My coming out
One for mid-life crisised
The confessions of an introvert
I've faced a strange dilemma of late - one that has sort of self-blown up in my face.
The Dilemma Side 1:
I've quit work to continue studying and, in the process, decided to come back home (I was staying in another city when I decided to do so).
The Dilemma Side 2:
My home for the past 4 years or so of my life has been quite intriguing. Here's why. One of the biggest things that made life for me during those years (especially since I was much of a home body) was this incessant drive of people at home to "manage the house". Over the years, when I could afford the energy, I did spend time on trying to decipher what that meant. More than four years hence, I'm even more clueless than when I started.
So there. I didn't ever remember emphasis on the word or the idea the word represents when home was being taken care of before those four years. When I considered it, there was some managing that needed to be done. I mean, things don't happen by themselves. We do things with our hands and feet and we do them pretty consciously, but that was never a word we used so heavily like it's a gold-plated agenda. It just happened. We usually also needed to do the things we did. You don't manage drinking water when you're thirsty and if you want to drink water when you're thirsty and there is none, you go ahead and boil some. You don't need extraordinary skills or wisdom. All you need is pretty much common sense and you're there. If you consider your house awareness evolution, you cross these barriers almost every now and then. It's not exactly rocket science from where I was coming from - but then apparently it was.
At home now it's a sacred rule book that if we deviate, we are all doomed - and it deserves our rapt attention every second. It's sacrilegious to even stop repeating the words of that rule book or violate any of its precepts.
None the less, it still seems a mystery to me. The folk at home tell me it's way more than rocket science and their paranoia seems to justify that, but I'm done deciphering the code. It's brain-damaging. I've tried a Complexity Theory approach i.e a system is more than just a sum of its parts. Making the list of objective things to manage is apparently just plainly ignorant of that mystical connection between the parts. Woe be unto me. Even making that objective list is sacrilege.
I've tried the Self-Organising Theory i.e all men and women are have the natural capability to organise themselves according to their needs and requirements. In a household, they naturally cooperate with each other to achieve that effort, and any system or set of rules comes about as a result of that. When control is hijacked in the name of managing, you defeat the very possibility of mutual cooperation. You don't give the people in the household space to mutually respond to each other, to start with. By the theory of managing the house that they go by, you have to at least have to be able to do that and that should cover everything you'd need. Managing doesn't even fit into the picture there. By this definition, it's a level of self-organisational advancement that beats all research so far.
But that has a road block. Does this state of self-organisational advancement also include excessive amounts of fuss and panic? Panic and fuss is not a quality of self-organisation. It's a quality of inability and incapability. It's like a king who has a royal, authoritative throne but wields a powerless sceptre. He can only scream and send his armies out. The obsession for control as a result of a lack of ability and capability is really a scramble for it. Why the heck? It beats the heck out of me.
What's satisfying about power or control at home is something I simply don't understand. I'm not even going to try to see what theories will help explain it. It seems to be fear of the sacred rule book. That fear seems to be based on the assumption that if we don't follow the rule book, the sky will fall on our heads and all hell will break loose - only because we didn't follow the rule book. The interesting question to ask now is where the rule book comes from? Wait, we wrote it! Here's another truth: the sky will never fall on our heads and all hell will never break loose, least of all because of the things we do or don't do. So everybody should just simply relax. We will do what we must, like how all of the human race developed up to now, and of course, make it a point not to drive ourselves to desperation in the process.
So I'm putting this question out there. What is it about managing a house is worth all the fuss and panic? Does anybody else also have the same or a similar situation at home? Would any Sociology or Psychology Doctorate hopeful like to investigate this phenomena? Do share your research when you do please!
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