Oh, you too?: What's your #metoo response?

#metoo, as it unfolds, has put spectators in a fix of how to respond. Some, of course, have it easy. Their minds are made up. They either know that women have just had enough or that feminism (and all related issues) are a load of bullcrap. That leaves the ones who weren't always prepared for the #metoo movement to face the spotlight. The dilemma of where to stand is a strange one. Hopefully, at the end of the article, you can figure what your stand should be.

Let's break it down for simplest understanding. Long story short: somebody is abused/molested/harassed/violated and for reasons of their safety/hurt/pain/damage/possible backlash thereof, they don't speak up. What they experience remains with them for the rest of their lives and affects them in horrible ways till they speak out because they can't hold the shame/guilt/pain/burden in. Thus, they out the one who did it. It could be a predatory issue (habitual, recurring instances with different people) or a one off. Regardless, the powerful one sexually asserted person control over the weaker one.

While the victim and attacker can be of any gender, there are power games at play. They could be professional, societal or family role combinations that, in their context, are unequal and therefore easy to assert control, if one wished: boss-employee, industry big name-intern, child-relative. There's also the power of shame put on by society in general where these things aren't discussed but tabooed, leave alone when there is an actual, sometimes rampant, occurrence. It is usually hushed up with the one making the noise disempowered to speak and address it, and blamed because they do.

When an established power equation isn't at play, it becomes a case of assumed power i.e. one assumes the power over the other, simply because they want to when they still have no reasonable right to but they still can (the usual nature of power). Being completely unexpected, the shock experienced renders the victim's response system and capability shut because of the nature what it does to themselves. Sometimes forever, sometimes long enough to never restore it back fully as it should be. Whether power equation or not, it leaves the victim with bad memories/shock/trauma/fear and a whole load of other effects.

Now, the above described is the peaceful, reasoned version of #metoo with explanation and justification. The actual version of it is driven by a sudden rush of blood to the head, and remains defined by that. That's because what victims suffer demands it. It's the exact same way the accused would feel if the same thing happened to them.

When there's no established power equation at play, there is power grabbing by those who think they can grab some. More often than not, this has gender-based patterns, thanks to society and its values that set the course. Thanks to it, men are in prime position to assume power, if they choose to, and a lot of them do. Let's be clear not all of them, of course. They are empowered to, if they choose to. Outside of these values of society, it becomes less gender specific with both men and women empowered and assumption of power over their victim is not gender based. It just happens to be so that those who do so are either one gender or the other, not defining the issue by it.

Now that we've gone over the issue, let's filter the responses:

Call men scum: All men aren't. The men who choose to be are. We know that they are driven by privileges that society gives men over women from birth. There are some places where those don't exist, but many, many more in which they do

Question the timing of the accusations: If the accusation is true, any victim has dealt with enough already. If a woman, she had probably had a tougher time. Men also do, too , but don't have to deal with the power tendency displacement women had to live with (which made it harder to come forward). They have more reasons not to come forward, comparatively.

Corner the attacker: All accusations need not be true until proven. If the claim comes with enough proof, speaking against the person should be ok. I don't think any society would want anyone those instincts around but calling them out sets the record straight so that people can be careful in the future.

Claim evidencelessness: The argument that a lot of these cases are virtually impossible to prove (which, by nature, is true) doesn't mean there always isn't proof. When there is (which is quite a few times), it can be possible. Corroboration, video cameras, entry exit records and other such things all help towards proof. When there isn't, it doesn't mean that it didn't happen.

It's trendy & everyone's doing it: The simplest, sensiblist argument is that an accusation doesn't make the victim or accused automatically wrong because it all can sound dubious. The claim should be checked or responded to and sorted in form of apology, action or denial.

        
If women have a reason to make false claims, there could be two ways to read the surge in accusations. One is that the men in their lives (adding up to most men everywhere) have been good to them and they are just being plain evil in accusing them. We know enough about how our society functions normally to make up our minds about that. The other way is that they have been handed that disempowerment at so many levels that it has become part of most women's narrative and being made victim like this is the last straw. The only way out is outrage.

Avoid the larger picture: What is the larger picture? The fact that #metoo is about overall assumption of power by men over women in a variety of situations. It is a true picture. It is an extension of how women have been living where this is a problem and facing the same power tendency displacement in many other areas of life.

All the above arguments withstanding, if women have a reason to make false claims enmasse, there could be two ways to read the surge in accusations. One is that the men in their lives (adding up to most men everywhere) have been good to them and they are just being plain evil in accusing them. The other way is that they have been handed that disempowerment at so many levels that it has become part of most women's narrative and being made victim like this is the last straw. The only way out is outrage.

By asking to degenderise it, which is an ideal suggestion, we would be losing touch with the root cause of the outrage. #metoo is about calling a spade a spade. Calling abuse/molestation/rape/violation exactly for what it is and calling out the people who did it for exactly what they did (in some cases who they are). While at that, it is also going deep into why we are even talking about this so much and so loudly, because the majority actors have had their time in the bushes and the genes of that inequal empowerment still remain unless we intentionally check and stop them. That's why the #metoo movement is validated in the first place in the minds of its supporters, and rightly so.

So the natsayers are pretty sure it's a gender planned conspiracy. The yeahsayers are getting their voice where it should have been. What say you? "Oh, you too?"